How Strong is Strong
This morning I found myself with my head in my hands, sobbing uncontrollably. I was emotionally undone. My response, especially being a man, was to try to hide, wipe away, or to be strong. I couldn’t though, it was as if the thunderstorms of my mind had cut loose. If you’re honest, you’ve probably found yourself in a similar situation at some point. In that moment I asked myself the typical ‘what’s wrong with me’ and ‘why am I crying like this’ questions. Shortly into this, Christ spoke to me with incredible joy, “you are in the right place. You’ve poured yourself out to others to the point of emotional exhaustion.”
I’ve known, spoke about, and tried to live out this idea that discipleship is messy but there has rarely been a time when I’ve poured into one or two as intently as I have over this past week. I say these things with great humility in the hopes that it encourages you. We must pour ourselves until emotional emptiness. The gospels are full of examples of Christ doing this, all the way to the point of death. We must pour ourselves out as offerings over those we serve, love, and lead.
That brings me to my next point, we must, just as Christ did find retreat. When Christ was tired, he found a boat, a mountain, whatever to get away. He understood the value in margin and in being filled. I’m very grateful that I’m part of a body that puts a great deal of emphasis on family time and personal retreats. I’m in a bad need of one of those now. I find it very interesting how often the words breakthrough and breakdown walk hand in hand or are even interchangeable sometimes.
I’m so thankful that in my weakness, Christ is strong. (2 Corinthians 12) I’m so thankful to be able to lead at this level. I’m so grateful for those that allow me to pour into them and do life with them. I’m SO incredibly grateful for the two I cried over this morning because they are deeply worth it and honestly look forward to the time I weep for them again. I’m thankful for the personal retreat that I’m about to plan and go on and for what God has to speak back into me.
My question is are you pouring yourself out as an offering to others? Equally important, if not more, are you finding time for yourself to be poured back into in order to get back into the fight. Are you fighting for your family as hard as you're fighting for your ministry? Fight for your own heart for it is "the wellspring of life". (Proverbs 4:23)