Healing Comes From The Broken Places First
I had a friend who years ago wore that saying on a hat. I remember clearly what that hat looked like, right down to the embroidered broken heart on the olive colored hat. I always thought that was a cool slogan and even attested to it’s truth. I never really understood it though. I now understand it’s because I hadn’t understood brokenness just yet.
I was a young man in my early twenties at that time. Fresh out of the Marine Corps and starting my college journey. I had known both physical and emotional pain at this time but never had allowed myself to really be in it. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be that naïve again.
Since then I’ve walked through some incredibly difficult things in life. From infertility issues, losing loved ones to death and other extreme circumstances, tough times in ministry, and more. As I write this, I don’t think my life is a story of pain but yet a story of God’s redemptive work in and through me. What does it look like though to walk through pain in such a way that that points to redemption? I’d like to offer a few thoughts that I’ve learned of navigating these times.
We Have To Know We Will Walk Through Pain
Jesus himself said in John 16, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” (vs. 33) We’ve been warned! We cannot journey through life thinking we’ll never experience the bad things of life. When we know things are coming, both good and bad, we are more prepared to navigate them and I think Jesus was giving us this heads-up for that reason, pain is going to happen.
We Have To Allow Ourselves To Feel The Pain
One of the darkest moments of my life came just six months into my marriage, my dad was arrested. It was incredibly difficult for my entire family but me, I was a rock! I felt the need to be strong for my new bride, my mom, and my brother and sister. What that looked like for me was never feeling anything; not frustration, not anger, not pain. I just pushed those feelings deeper and deeper refusing to deal with them. Reader, you know what happened next, I eventually exploded and all of that emotion came out with a volcanic explosion. It was ugly and had lots of tears but that was the first part of my healing journey. Allowing myself to feel pain and acknowledge it. To admit to my wife and to myself that I was angry with him and that I had every right to be. As I moved past that, and this was a long process, I was able to move towards forgiveness and healing. We must walk through our pain in order to be healed of our pain. Philippians 4:7 says, “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (ESV) Peace like this, peace that doesn’t make sense, only occurs in times where peace shouldn’t exist.
Aim Your Tough Questions At God
We have a tendency to ask why during troubled times. Why is this happening to me? Why now? It’s natural but the truth of the matter is our focus is on ourselves when we ask the “why” questions. God can handle our frustrating, our anger, and even our pain. Constantly throughout the old testament we see men express their emotions, probably none more obvious than David. He even had moments where God was the object of his displeasure or anger. God not only allowed that to occur but comforted David in his anger. I believe God wants to do the same for us. I want to add though, if we want to navigate the painful times in life and move towards redemption we need to change the types of questions we’re asking God. Instead of why, let’s ask what. As in, “God, what are you trying to teach me through this situation” or “what do I need to do to grow through this?” We have to train ourselves to press into God during tough times in life.
These are things I’ve learned and am still learning. God’s story is one of redemption in the lives of His people but we have to do our part. I think these things are important steps in that process but not the only things. I’ve also learned that as soon as you think you’ve figured something out, you need to start over in one area or another. I say that to say, stay the course, don’t give up, and give yourself a lot of grace!
Photo by Trym Nilsen on Unsplash