Leadership Struggles: Being Hard
The military community is a unique one. For those that have never served, there are certain things that are difficult to understand. Basic Training or Boot Camp is specifically designed to break you down as an individual and create you into whatever it is they need you to be. Again, I know this sounds harsh but when you understand the purpose of the military, as in the defense of our nation, would you want someone who is well trained and understands their role as a teammate and a warrior or someone who is an individual and can’t follow basic orders? I served in the Marine Corps and from the beginning of boot camp they made sure we know that no matter what our job was going to be moving forward, every Marine is a rifleman first. That means everyone of us was an infantryman first and needed the ability to fire a weapon and fight first. What this meant for all of us that have worn the Eagle, Globe, and Anchor is we were all combat ready and trained that way year round. We had to be, as we often said, hard core.
I’m diving into a new series this week that’s going to look at some things we, and specifically I, struggle with as leaders. I’m going to attempt to be vulnerable and talk through things I’ve struggled with and some things I’ve learned along the way. This post I’m going to be writing from things I picked up while in the military but truthfully, there are many instances that can cause us to be hardened by life and our experiences.
I’m now twenty-three years removed from the Marine Corps but there are some things that I experienced that have stuck with me. Some of those things are good things like discipline and organization, while others are not as good. As I described earlier the military, any branch, is going to attempt to harden you towards certain things in order to prepare for the things you may have to face. That varies some from branch to branch and job to job but the point is the same. Personally, I was in a combat oriented unit. That means we trained and prepared for those types of situations. Fast forward a few years, I left the Marines and moved home to attend college. When in the military there’s an expectation that you’ll lead out and lead those younger than you. In civilian life that expectation isn’t much different but the way you lead and live it out usually is.
In college and in the church I attended I begin to step into different leadership roles as I could. The problem was, people didn’t do the things I needed them to, at least not in the way I wanted/needed them to. I had expectations that my “orders” would be followed and when they weren’t I had to be firm. Needless to say, it didn’t work the way I thought that it would. Truthfully, this led to a lot of frustration both for me and those around me. Needless to say throughout this time I hurt a lot of feelings. So what did I do in order to make things right?
First thing I had to do was get my own heart and mind right. The military and it’s environments are the way they are for a reason but I wasn’t that person anymore. I didn’t need to be a “hardcore Marine” and those I was leading now weren’t nor did they need to be. I had to learn to let people in and hear what they had to say. Actually, I’m still learning to do this well. In the Marines, there is a way that things are done and that is the way. In civilian life that is sometimes true but more times than not there are other ways to get the job done. That’s the “listening to others” I mentioned earlier. I had to recognize that the environments were different but also the expectations were different.
This is a common occurrence with guys coming out of the military, especially those in combat oriented jobs. It’s not, however, exclusive to veterans. There are a variety of reasons someone can become “hard” or “hard-hearted” in life. It can be unfortunate circumstances or tragedies that do it. No matter what it is that’s caused us to believe, behave, or lead in these tough ways our response is the same. I’ve been fortunate and blessed to be able to apologize to some people and make some things right. I’ve learned that my job as a leader is lead the members of my team as individuals first and then as a team second.
What about you? How have you lead? If you’re anything like me and have had some hard lessons to learn there’s still hope and time to do it right. I’m not the man, father, husband, or leader that I wish that I were but I do knot this, I’m a lot closer than I’ve ever been and I look forward to continuing to grow. As for you, I hope you do the same! Stay the course, you have what it takes!