Leadership Struggles: Boundaries
I have a quick question for you as I begin this post. What comes to mind when I mention boundaries? Go ahead, pause for a moment and process that. I believe that many think of restrictions and control when it comes to boundaries and I must say, there have been seasons of life in which I felt that way. However, I’ve grown to understand that to live our lives to the fullest it requires boundaries but I’m going to come back around to that. As with the last few posts I’m going to process some things and some times in which I struggled with some of this and of course some things I’ve learned along the way. But first, we need to establish the purpose of boundaries.
I live in Southwest Louisiana and there aren’t many directions, if any at all, I can drive and not cross a bridge or two. When you think about the guardrails on bridges it’s obvious of their purpose. They are there to protect you from going over the edge. A couple things we can take note of and learn from when it comes to the boundaries guardrails set for us on bridges is, one they are before the edge of the bridge not at it, and two they only work properly if we’re obeying the other traffic laws that apply. I think the same is true of the boundaries in life. If we look at the story of Adam and Eve in scripture, they lived their best life within the boundaries God had set for them. They had no worries and their needs were met and they were protected. When the fall occurred in Genesis 3 all of that went away because they crossed the boundaries that were there to keep them safe. When God asks them where they are (Genesis 3:9) it wasn’t because He didn’t know but He was giving Adam the opportunity to think back through what had just happened and process his mistake. Instead, Adam just stood there and pointed at Eve. Life is meant to be lived within the context of some boundaries. I think there are three places that everyone needs to have some boundaries set in their lives: in relationships, with their money, and with their time.
RELATIONSHIPS
This is one boundary I set for myself early and have actually done a good job at holding to. What I mean by this one specifically is the time I’m around people of the opposite sex. Many people think this is an odd thing for me to do and many have told me that. I don't meet with female students unless my wife or another trusted adult is present. I don’t ride in vehicles with females by myself (other than my wife or daughter) and when there are females in the vehicle with me they don’t ride in the front passenger seat (again, unless it’s my wife or daughter). You may ask yourself why is this a big deal? Because ministries have been ruined, marriages have ended, and lives ruined over accusations, no matter if they’re true or not. I will amend this boundary though, it’s now at the point I’m cautious to meet with anyone by myself unless I know him or her and trust him or her. The things that are most important to me are my walk with Christ, my family, my ministry, and my integrity. I set this boundary to protect those things and myself.
MONEY
The reason I put this one second is because it’s one I’m still growing in when it comes to boundaries. In my young adult years in the military and in college I was horrible with money. Partly because I didn’t work at it and partly because I didn’t have proper boundaries set for myself. We are called to be wise with our resources and good stewards of the things God has given us. A big boundary I had to learn to set when it came to my finances, and learn to stick to it, was just avoiding unnecessary spending. Sure I have the money in the bank and sure I can buy this but is it necessary? You could call this budgeting but I think it’s a bit more than that. When proper boundaries are set when it comes to your money there are certain places you can’t go. I’m speaking metaphorically but this could be literal as well. I want my family to be taken care of and provided for. I want the ability to take them on a vacation or do something fun. I can only do these things if I’ve set appropriate financial boundaries for myself.
TIME
You’ve probably guessed it; this one is last because this one is still a struggle for me in many ways. I am much better at this than a few years ago but it’s still a struggle for me at times. I’m a go until I drop kind of person. That oftentimes means that even on my day off I don’t stop working. Just to be clear, a day off and a Sabbath, or days of rest aren’t the same thing. When it comes to boundaries with our time, there are a few things we must do. We must prioritize, protect, and, at times, push through. In order to set healthy boundaries with our time we have to know what’s important. That’s where the prioritize part comes in. Some of these priorities change and shift some depending on the season we find ourselves in, and some don’t. Once we know what things are important we set boundaries to protect those things. If you think back to earlier when I talked about students reaching out to me at various times, this is a perfect example. Of course I need to be available to my students and my teams but there are times in which they are not the priority, my family is, so I protect what’s important with a boundary. Then on rare occasion we push through. There are times in which we have to shift our priorities slightly and temporarily. That’s the crucial part! This happens for me when I have an event or a trip so I have to push through the extra time required to make these things happen. This, again, has to be only a season. If not it’s become a priority.
Where are some places you need to set or repair boundaries in these areas? What are some areas I’ve missed? I trust that this can help you in your life and leadership. Stay the course, you have what it takes!