The Purpose Of: Community
I’ve been in ministry sixteen years at this point. My primary purpose is student ministry but by no means exclusively. After all, people are people and ministry is a people business. A rising trend that I’ve seen over the past five to seven years or so is loneliness. I’m not talking someone feeling sad because they can’t hang out with their friends for a time, I’m talking genuine, isolating loneliness. Why though? What has caused this devastating trend? Pandemic aside, because the stats on that are incredibly blaring, we have a generation of social isolation despite being more “connected” than at any other point in history.
The purpose of community is one that’s rooted in scripture. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says,
“9 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! 11 Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? 12 And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” (ESV)
Just to be clear, by community I mean doing life with others in real and meaningful ways. We can be surrounded by people and still struggle with the feeling of being alone. Study after study have shown the effects on the development of children in regards to human touch. The very biochemical and neurological make-up of a person can be clearly seen in a child who has been neglected and one who has not. The question has to be, then, why would it be so important for children but not the rest of us? I understand the developmental side of this conversation and what a huge part of social engagement plays but I’m convinced, even though I don’t have concrete data, that this is true in all people. Even as I write this I can think of people I know or have known that haven’t had the social engagement and interaction needed or desired and I’ve watched their countenance change. People desire to fit in, to be a part of something, and when they don’t or even just feel like they don’t they begin to change how they function. It could be in their attitude or how they dress or talk. It could be in isolation or finding their community in people they may should not be hanging out with.
In the book of John, Christ warns us that our enemy’s MO is to “steal, kill, and destroy.” That MO stands for “modus operandi” which is latin for one’s habits or operating. I believe that one of the greatest lies the enemy tries to his us with is that we’re alone in whatever we’re feeling or walking through. His daily habits and operating is deceit. If I feel as though i’m the only person on the planet that is feeling a certain way then I’ll never speak up about it because I don’t believe anyone could truly understand me and no-one wants to feel alone. Because I don’t speak up I become more isolated from the people around me. It’s like the idea of saying I have no friends and then being mean to people in my life to prove my theory correct. The question is, what happens when we’re alone and life gets hard?
No matter who you, where you are, how old you are, or what you do for a living we all know that life gets tough at times. Every one lives and walks through tough seasons. If we’re alone when those season come they are much more difficult than when we have others. I’m not saying tough seasons don’t come when we have others or that they aren’t difficult because we have someone but I am saying it makes those tough seasons a little more bearable. We saw that in verse ten from Ecclesiastes 4,
“For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!”
Walking through difficult times by ourselves is not only difficult but can be downright disheartening. I know I’ve walked through some very difficult times in life. As I look back on things like my mom passing, my wife and I being unable to have children, my dad being arrested, just to name a few, I know I only made it through because of my people. WE ALL NEED OUR TRIBE! The only reason I had my people around me when life got hard is because i did life with them when life was good. If we need one another during tough times that means we have to be in community during the good times. To know if someone is going to be good for you in the hard times we have to walk with them in the good times.
The purpose of community is to do life with people. To laugh and celebrate during the good times. To cry and hold one another during the tough times. Then to have conversations together for everything in between. The relationships in our lives are done in concentric circles. Meaning, those in our inner circle, those closest to us, know us best, have the most influence over us and us over them. As the circles move outward away from us those things decrease. I once heard it said everyone needs people around them that allows them to be the real them. We need to have people that let us be us, even when it’s not nice and pretty. That’s what true community looks like.
At this point, the question should be obvious, who do you have at your tribe? No matter who you are we need our people around us. I’ll leave you with this, an encouragement to do the hard work of building the relationships, in the good and the bad. Stay the course, you have what it takes!