Not The Highway
When I first came into my current position at my church much of my leadership style and traits were ones that I learned and were successful while in the US Marine Corps. While they may have been successful in that environment, those traits didn’t seem to translate into my student ministry. It was quite direct but usually too much and even bordering on cruel. To say it was “my way or the highway” would be more than accurate. I started thinking about that phrase and wondered where it came from.
It’s believed the term, “my way or the highway,” originated between 1960 and 1970 in the United States. It was a time where a lot of teenagers and drifters were known to hitch-hike to get around. The obvious in this is, if you want a ride, you’re going in the direction I’m going. If not, you can walk or take the highway. There wasn’t another alternative for these hitch-hikers. The term has taken on a life of its own but the idea of no alternative is still spot on.
In my time in leadership and working in leadership development, I’ve learned that there’s a better way. I will say, before I could get to that place I had to do some personal work. I needed some healing and to learn some things when it came to insecurities and how they affect my decisions. This post isn’t about that but I will say, if you find yourself as “my way or the highway” type of leader I would encourage you to ask yourself why. I’d love to share a few things I’ve learned that may keep those you lead from choosing the highway.
Firstly, my way is not only not always the best way, but it’s not always the right way. To learn some of this, it has been more of experience as a teacher. Everyone has ideas of what our leadership, jobs, or positions should look like but until we are in them we’re not really sure. I say it this way, “we don’t know what we don’t know until we don’t know it.” Just like I have ideas of what things should look like, those on my team do as well and I’ve had to learn that many times their ideas are worth listening to. That leads me to my next thought.
Even if I don’t use the idea or their idea in the way they think I should, they know I’m listening to them. Not listening to our subordinates is another version of “my way or the highway.” You’re saying your thoughts, ideas, and opinions aren’t valid and when we do, they are going to start looking for the highway. I’ve always loved the way Andy Stanley says it. He says, “leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” When we listen they feel valued and appreciated and are more likely to continue to bring ideas to the table. When we get an good idea, fully formed or not, find a way to implement it. That’s when they start to become leaders instead of followers.
Lastly, make sure to celebrate when we take “their way.” When we as leaders publicly celebrate the things our team has brought to the table and we’ve implemented into our organization, the value that they felt by us listening grows exponentially. One of my jobs as a leader is to make sure that I am adding value to the lives of those I lead. After all, we must teach our teams to lead and then give them the lead. Only then are we truly developing leaders instead of some hypothetical version of leadership.
When our people feel heard, valued, and appreciated they are less likely to have eyes on the highway. It doesn’t have to be my way when our way is better. Be open to the ideas and opinions your people bring with them and watch your organization grow and blossom.
Keep leading, stay the course, you have what it takes!