Which hat?
For many years now, I’ve had to wear a lot of different hats. Some of these hats are student pastor, husband, dad, tech director, leadership coach, baseball coach, tennis coach, and musician, just to name a handful. I don’t think that I’m an exception. In fact, I think most leaders feel this way at different times in their lives. Some hats, any of my coaching hats, musician, tech director, and the like, I can take off for a little while and put aside. Other hats, pastor, dad, husband, and those types of things however, I have to wear at the same time. Meaning, I don’t take them off, ever.
Full disclosure, as I’m writing this I’m in a season transitioning out of a busier summer into school beginning back and into the fall. I’ve learned a lot of people think this season is a slower one based on the fact that I’m not traveling like I did in the summer but the truth is, it’s quite busy but in a different way. It’s a lot more planning and organizing to make all of the events and trips, the part that people see, happen. What does this have to do with me you may be asking? Remember, there are still many other hats still atop my head as I find myself in this busy season, probably you too. What I find myself processing is making sure I’m wearing the right hats in the right way in the right moment.
I’m fortunate right now to not be coaching baseball or tennis but I must be mindful of those I’m mentoring and coaching in leadership and in student ministry. I’m still a father and husband to my family that needs me while pasturing others that need something different from me. So how do I (we) do this well? Let’s get the obvious one out of the way first.
The first thing I’ve learned I must do is being mindful of my schedule. I’m a pastor everyday but not everyday requires the same effort, energy, and attention. In contrast, I’m a father and husband everyday but there’s something my wife and kids need from me everyday. As far as my other hats, I have to recognize and know when to put them on and when to leave them on the shelf. There are times and seasons that either my ministry or my family requires more of my schedule and me adjust accordingly. That leads me to my next point.
Have honest conversations with anyone who needs to be involved. I talked about how different seasons require different things of me. When I have a busier season of student ministry coming up such as an event or trip, I visit with my family about what I’m going to be doing, what it’s going to take of me, and the time that’s involved. They know that I’ll give my all and when I’m finished, I’ll give my all to them. The same is true when there’s something going on with my family. I’ll have conversations with my lead pastor, my staff, and my team that I’ll need to give more to my family for a time. Clear expectations and honest conversation goes a long way.
The last thing I’ve learned and in many ways still learning is saying no when I must. I’ve found that this is a difficult one for many. When I’m in a season where my family needs more of me I have to not only have permission but also have the ability to say no to things that aren’t priorities at my church. Some simple ways I’ve learned to do this is asking the question, does this need to happen now, and then having an “office hours” mentality when it comes to my phone. With the former, if it is something that has to happen soon then I adjust and if it isn’t, I prioritize it for when I can. Also, there are some incredible benefits to cell phones but a downfall if we allow it can be that we are always accessible. If I set times and hours in which I won’t answer my phone, my family knows that they are a priority and it helps me give my all to my team and my students when I am “on.” I do want to be clear about one thing though. I don’t keep “work hours” from my family. They know if I’m speaking somewhere, in a coaching session, or on a trip they can reach out and I’ll be back in touch as quickly as possible.
What hats do you find yourself wearing? Which hats can be taken off occasionally and which can’t? Know what’s important and balance accordingly.
You have what it takes, stay the course!