Leadership Struggles: Fear of Failure
Failure is a real thing in life. It’s simply defined as a lack of success. The good news is it’s not the end, not unless we say it is. For some reason though, the fear of not succeeding, or probably more accurately, not succeeding as quickly as we’d like paralyzes some to the point of inability. As cocky as this may sound this isn’t something I’ve struggled a great deal with. I’m not going to say it’s something I’ve conquered for all time but it’s just not something that’s caused me a lot of anxiety or concern. I’ve also walked with many that this is the case. They were so concerned with what may go wrong that it kept them from trying the task at all. This is a real thing that we all need to learn how to navigate so how do we accomplish this “pushing through the fear” and how do we help others to do the same?
I think the first thing we need to do is to truly define failure. Not from a dictionary perspective as above but what does failure actually look like in your life, organization, leadership, etc.? I love the way Les McKeown asks this question,
“do we feel like we’re failing or are we failing?”
This is a valid question. You may wonder, where’s the line between the two? It’s often very grey but it comes back to expectations. Everyone approaches a situation or a task with expectations to what success is. Sometimes it’s been clearly defined by a boss or supervisor and we know when we’ve hit the mark. Other times it’s not as clear and the expectations we have for success are unrealistic. Let me give you an example. Here’s the same situation with given and then unclear expectations.
I work with students and teenagers and let’s say I went to a group of them and told them we needed a particular room set up for a particular event. I could give them clear direction; we need so many rows of so many chairs each or just let them roll with it and see what happens. Now in all honesty, they would probably ask me what the expectations were and while this is a simple and even trivial example, it shows the point when expectations are clear and when they are not. Are we failing or do we just feel like we are?
I’m not sure about you but I’ve worked pretty hard to build a culture and environments where students have the opportunities to step up, develop their leadership skills, and then lead. That means I have to be super clear on the expectations I have for them. That also means the more teams and people I have, the more clear on expectations are for each group and even person to person. Setting clear, attainable, and realistic expectations is the key to their success in stepping into leadership roles and the key to the success of the organization.
For any of you who may be hesitant to step out because you’re afraid you may fail, here’s a couple thoughts I’d like to encourage you with. One, ask for clear expectations when at all possible. What do you expect me to do with this task? When is it due? What support systems do I have in place? These are all great and valid questions to ask of a superior to make sure you have realistic expectations. Secondly, GO FOR IT! Even if you miss the expectations, real or imagined, you have the opportunity to grow and learn from it. You’ll be better prepared next time. I’ve yet to meet the person who’s said they regret stepping out into a new or even challenging role but I’ve met a few that have regretted not.
To wrap up, I’d like to leave you with one more quote.
“I'm not afraid of failure; I'm afraid of succeeding at things that don't matter.” ―William Carey
Mr. Carey is talking expectations. What matters to you, your leadership, or your organization? When those things are clear, success is more achievable. Let’s give clear definitions of what a win looks like for us. Beyond that, we have to help create stepping stones to get us, and them, there. Stay the course, you have what it takes!